April 17, 2012

You Never Really Know People

Yesterday, I heard some shocking news; and when I say shocking, I mean it. Last time I received shocking news was when I found out that I was pregnant. Via text message, I learned that a man I used to work with at my last military command was arrested this past weekend because proof of him sexually assaulting young girls within a Maryland Wal-mart store surfaced.

Just. Shocking.

This was a man that I spoke to nearly every single day for two years. I grew to know him pretty well. This was a man who mentored me, and he helped me to develop myself in my job and be better at it. The moment I heard the news, I just could not believe it. I did not want to believe it. If you are reading this and you happen to know this man, then you know the feelings that I am feeling. It's utterly unbelievable.

At first I thought it was a mistake; someone had the wrong guy. It wasn't until I clicked the link for the article and saw his picture pop up with it. My heart sunk. I honestly was just hoping that someone was wrong. Sadly, it is true. He is this awful person that committed an awful crime. What is really heartbreaking is the fact that this man has a family; a daughter in fact. I can't even imagine how his family must be feeling.

During my time at my last command while working with this man, I learned things from him. I respected him; everyone did. He was an extremely likable guy and never did anything inappropriate that would make me think it could lead to his recent behavior.

It makes me sick to my stomach. It always does when I hear about some man or woman abusing young children/minors. It is a horrible thing. It is even worse when you personally know that individual. A good friend of mine was even closer to him. They had a great friendship. I feel for her, and pray that she can not let this ruin any of the future relationships with people in her life. It is hard to trust people, but now I feel as though you can not trust anyone. I knew this man, and he knew me. We talked about our families, our jobs, our hobbies; we joked around. It is absolutely disheartening that this is actually real and could happen within the circle of people that I know.

Not only do I feel stupid for not ever knowing that this man was sick, but I now feel as though I must question all people I come into contact with. It is a scary feeling, and it is even scarier to think about the friendships and relationships my children will have in the future. How can you really know someone? I am afraid that this will cause me to hover too much over my children and the people that they are around. How scary is it to think, "What if this happens to my child?" or "What if someone were to hurt my child?"

I found all of this out yesterday while working. I was shocked then, but when I got up this morning, it was all I could think about. To tell you the truth, I had to re-read the articles three or four times just to make sure I hadn't dreamt it.

I am praying for his wife and children right now. I pray that they will get past the hurt and shame that they must feel. I pray that they will not endure ridicule for his mistakes. I also pray for him; I hope that he can get better. I pray for the young girls whom I am sure are experiencing fear and trauma. I pray that they can move on from these horrible events with time.

For anyone curious for more details, I have attached the link below.

April 04, 2012

Going Away

First of all, I know it has been well over a month since my last posting - for that, I apologize. Mommies get busy!

Because I am in the military, there are times where I must say goodbye to my loved ones, my house, my warm, comfortable bed, and the familiarity with my lifestyle. Soon, I am going to be packing up and leaving the area for a little less than two weeks. The first thing that came to my mind when told I would be doing this was my son. I have only ever been apart from him once, and that was for a total of two weeks. While this upcoming trip is just days less than that, it can still be as equally as traumatizing. For the both of us.

The first time I left him was almost a year ago, just one day after his very first birthday. That is what broke my heart the most. He had grown so much, hit such a remarkable milestone and was on the verge of taking his first steps and popping out his first tooth. I did happen to miss his first tooth appearing, but I have been fortunate enough to be there for the rest of them, as well as his first time walking. I can't complain too much.

I am afraid that he will reach another milestone or accomplish something while I am away. I hate missing the types of things he does that require a snapshot or at least his want for mommy to see something he did for the first time. Let's hope and cross our fingers that he holds off on doing anything new and exciting until I get him back in my arms!

I do suppose that there is something I would not mind him learning while I am gone: sleeping the entire night in his own bed. In my previous posts, I ranted about him getting up often in the middle of the night and waking me up at 2, 3, 4am and not much has changed since then. Lately, he has been teething (we are up to 16 teeth now, count 'em!), and so the fever and pain has kept him up; it leaves him whiney and most times inconsolable.

I do regret the fact that I will not be spending Easter with my child, or my family for that matter. This would have been our first Easter all together, but duty calls. I have an Easter basket and an unneccessarily large yellow stuffed duck waiting in the guest bedroom for our own Easter celebration later this week. I am still grateful to be able to spend as much time as I do with my son and husband, and I just have to tell myself that work is work and I have to make some sacrifices here and there.

I hope I can manage my separation anxiety. I know the both of us will experience it within the first couple of days. I will be okay knowing that he is in good care and with people that love him so very much. I hope to hear about all of the exciting and funny things he is showing them. He favors his Grandpa over everyone else anyway.

Last time I left him, his body and vocabularly seemed to have doubled in size. We will see what he learns this time :)